Yesterday morning I awoke and decided instead of staying in my jammies most of the day that I'd chuck my clothes on, get my trainers on and go for a run/jog around the block. I don't know where the urge came from I just felt like I had to do it. So I did.
I lasted 5 minutes and came back home, I was knackered! But I felt great, very positive and quite proud of myself. I think one of the main reasons I haven't done this till now was my anxiety (and depression!) The past few weeks, it has calmed down so much! I think this might be due to the fact that I've accepted I'm doing something to better my body and I have to not let negative thoughts get to me.
It's like getting healthy is my mission and nothing can stop me from that, even my previously crippling anxiety (it got so bad at some stages that I wouldn't leave the house as I'd have panic attacks) and my depression sent me into a pretty dark place as well.
This morning's run proved to me that I'm managing anxiety so much better, I pushed myself an extra minute, which might not seem like that much but when you are 209lbs, believe me, it's a challenge. The extra minute wasn't what did it though, I ran past school kids. Now I don't know about anyone else but my anxiety would literally rocket when I was near school kids. Anxiety combined with bullying when I was younger make for a terrified Alana.
However today, as I saw the kids walking along, I decided that I would not stop running and just walk behind them, ashamed of being out and running (and fat), so I held my head high and sauntered past them. I got such a rush and did panic for a moment but it passed and I felt great. Almost like overcoming a fear.
I'm going to keep running in the morning around my block, and I will encounter kids most mornings as there is a primary and high school at the end of my street but I don't care. I'll one day run past that high school again with my head held high and be proud of myself yet again.
I can do this.